人生 。。。

Started my new life not long ago, I started facing lots of problems which I didn't think of and expected! 

Feel that everything has change, isn't what I previous think of and tot of, is just not that easy!

Feel that is so hard for me sometime, I have no one can said too but to keep it myself.. Just keep thinking, why all thing happen to me and I have to handle it all myself, well I can share it to my another part but I refuse.. 

I don't even dare to tell you any of mine family problems anymore.. Well I told you my mum was in the hospital, the words came out from your mouth is " 為什麼你家人這樣的?! " . I was totally shock and I have no words anymore, I didn't think of this will came out from you.. So after this happen what's on my mind is I won't tell you anything anymore..

I know you have your problems, money problems.. Actually there is a way but you just refuse too..

I know you keep working is for us, but also let me feel been left out.. I know you feel that, but you didn't do anything and let it happen.. Sometime I really feel that I'm single well I'm actually attached.. Maybe I haven't grow up from here then, I need independent more! 

Is really hard that a relationship is apart in different country, well sometime i need to come back singapore.. And also always have the 3rd parties between the two of us.. 

My family is at singapore, of cause if need I have to fly back here! If really so hard I rather I always stay at singapore then.. 

At there, at home also said me, do housework oso said, didn't do oso said, come back singapore oso said, come back here work oso said, what the fuck you want me to do?! I just say you once and is in friendly mood, you call me learn Malaysia, you think is that easy like abc? Also need time ya? Then I call you to learn English, then what you said? I learn English for what? I so old alrdy.. Then I just said in friendly way : old doesn't matter, also can learn, 很多人也是活到老學到老.. Then what?! You go and tell my husband I like to 訂嘴和什麼都不做，不會祇懂? Still said what " Aiya nvm lah, she still young dunno how to communicate with old people.. " ?! 

Great! Everything you do you said loh~ 

Is really sick and tried when everytime I wanna find you, you isn't there.. Well everything over, you pop-out..

I just feel I want to be alone, don't wanna to go back and don't wanna to talk to anyone at all.. I feel tried and unhappy at all.. How I hope everything when back to the starting.. 

I was keep thinking we shouldn't ROM so early at all.. Then all this wont happen! Just to give me a ming fen then we go ROM, last both of us suffer, isn't the point we wanted at all.. I didn't feel any 安全感 at all, only stress and unhappy! 一切发生的太突然了, 太随便了，更何况現在有那麼多事情，讓我覺得沒有安全感，都不懂怎麼說的怕和不安！

有時候不是我喜歡亂想，是不想不可以！那麼多事，怎麼不想! 

刚开始就這樣，以後怎么办? How if I getting pregnant next time? ( I really don't want to give birth at Malaysia! )

要好好一個人靜一靜 。。。